Ted's BBQ Five Points

Quest Log No 53 – Ted’s BBQ Five Points
Huntsville, Madison County

Ted is spreading his wings and going places. While the original Ted’s location on University Drive in Huntsville is a small, take-out-only hole-in-the-wall affair, the new posh Ted’s in the hip Five Points area has ample seating space, booths and a bar-like area, neon lights, flat screen TV, a Ray Charles poster on the wall, and soul and blues music coming out of the loudspeakers. Quite fancy for a BBQ joint, like a Redneck in a tux.

But do they serve food that an urban redneck like me would like? I mean, real, righteous, rapacious, rousing Q? Well …

I had my usual pork plate, which came with two sides – potato salad and cole slaw in my case, and a cornbread muffin that comes with it by default.

After visits to more than fifty BBQ restaurants in Northern Alabama and more than thirty more outside of this region, I think that I have a pretty good idea how BBQ pork should be done. Well …

The pork had an acceptable, but certainly not outstanding BBQ flavor. But it was a little chewy and definitely too dry. Without a good deal of lubricant, I had problems swallowing it down. They have two choices of lubricant there, a mild and a spicy sauce, both of the thick red variety, and both with the proud label “home made” on it. The mild sauce tasted kind of bitter (do I hear “celery” out of the audience?) and otherwise not like something I would voluntarily put on my pork, other than for lubrication purposes. The spicy sauce was not especially hot, but with a nice zesty kick and a hint of sweetness. So I chose that to drench the pork in – might have also made it a bit more tender when soaked for a few minutes.

So, the pork was merely tolerable with lots of spicy sauce on it. The cole slaw, on the other hand, was quite horrible. I will never understand the fascination some people have with celery – I can’t stand this vegetable, especially not in a cole slaw with a somewhat sweet vinaigrette. In stark contrast to that, the potato salad was a pure delight. Made with red potatoes, and a mustard-mayonnaise dressing, it had a very tasty sour flavor, just as I like it. I just hope it is home made, too, and does not come out of a can. Well, if it does, then can I have the address were to buy it?

The cornbread muffin, however, was clearly home made. It came with pieces of corn and jalapenos baked in it, which gave the natural sweetness of the cornbread a spicy counter balance. I am not a great fan of this kind of “fusion” food, especially not when it comes to BBQ. Just give me plain cornbread, and leave the fancy stuff out. I am a simple guy, with a simple taste, and do not need all that fru-fru stuff.

And for about twelve bucks with a drink, the amount of food was not that big. And since the quality was also not something to write home about (Mom, don’t read this here …), this urban redneck will go to different places when the BBQ cravings come. Places with grime on the floor, stuffed animal heads on the walls, dead flies on the window sills, and Q that has no fru-fru, but the four R’s.